When Intentions Don't Match Up with Reality…Part 2

Okay, so I guess I learned that I am LOUSY at doing part 1 and part 2 posts!! (Forgive me.)
But people, it's now time for PART TWO.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, you would be ahead of the game to read PART ONE here.
And now…on to part two. (WAIT A SECOND...I know you skipped part 1!! GO READ IT, SILLY!!)
I concluded part 1 with a list of how we can act in the face of something that takes us by surprise…we can look at it from our limited human perspective, or take on God's perspective.
Because sometimes, life throws something at us that we NEVER saw coming.
And so it is with us. Now.
Up till now, we have dealt with a long list of medical diagnoses which include (but Lord knows are not limited to): collapsed lungs, thyroid disease, arthrogryposis, scoliosis, concussions, spina bifida, congenital hip disorders, neurogenic bladder and bowel and a multitude of broken bones.
Never did I foresee this one being added to the list.
GULP.
The "C" word.

But there it is, big and ugly. Seeking to kill, steal and destroy.
But God.
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away,  a baby was born.
He was a boy.
Soon after as he was born, it was discovered that he had an odd shaped abdomen. He was pale, listless and clearly something very scary was wrong. 
A frightened set of parents did what was illegal, and unimaginable: they abandoned him. 
Maybe they knew that they could not possibly pay to have the proper treatments. Maybe they knew an orphanage would. Or they could HOPE.
Once found by the police and taken to a local orphanage, an exam was performed. Blood work was taken and the worst news possible was delivered: the newborn child had a massive malignancy in his liver.
Hepatoblastoma.
Incredibly rare. Incredibly scary.
And he was alone.
Over the next months, the baby had 3 surgeries and lots of chemotherapy.
The baby was given special care in the orphanage through a program called Half the Sky. He began to gain weight, hit milestones and a very bubbly personality emerged.
And the boy's papers were prepared so that he could find a permanent home.
He waited. And waited. "Cancer" is a very scary word on a file, you see.
Far away, in another corner of the world lived a mother of seven children. She was busy each day making food, washing clothes and encouraging other people in their own adoptions. She had a VERY FULL life and was not looking for more work.
She was not. She was not.
Her social worker alerted her to the upcoming expiration of her family's home study, to which she and her husband adamantly responded that they were letting it expire as they were DONE ADOPTING CHILDREN. Their family was full.
And expire it did.
But God.
God used the adorable boy on the side bar of this blog "Jesse" to crack open that tightly shut door of their hearts. Perhaps they COULD find room in their home for one more? But after further prayer and consideration of ages and physical needs the answer was clear: he was not theirs.
Once this cracked door let in light…God showed the picture of the baby to this momma of seven children. Her youngest child happened to be sitting on her lap at the time the picture popped up on the computer screen.
"Oh Mommy!!!" he cried. "I LOVE HIM!!"
The busy mother paused as her heart began to pound and tears began to well. In the next 48 hours God did some of the most amazing and supernatural acts to show this mother and her husband that He intended for this boy with cancer to come home to them and to become their son forever.
Gulp.
And they still were not sure. They wanted MORE proof.
So they prayed. 
And prayed.
And asked for other people to pray that God would speak CLEARLY to their hearts.
One person in particular (oh what a blessed woman of God she is!!) responded to the request for prayer in a most unusual way.
She told this family she would personally give them $10,000 to bring him home.
And they were stunned. But still unsure. It wasn't until she gave them a detailed plan of how she would raise these funds for this boy to become theirs that they finally realized that MAYBE this was how God was answering their prayers for clarity!!
And all of a sudden, a flurry of activity began. 
Applications, fingerprints, home inspections and personal interviews were underway. A home study had to be prepared!! (This is funny to someone, I am sure!)
And then, yesterday, after a very long wait, this family got the news that this boy's home country had approved them to adopt this boy with cancer.
They were OVERJOYED!!!!!
They would boldly welcome this dear child into their family of 9 and grow once again. 
~ (I want to say, "the end" but you guys know that this is NOT the end of the story!!)
And so, with great JOY JOY JOY in our hearts we announce that yes,
WE ARE ADOPTING AGAIN…even though OUR plan was to be all done.
Even though our idea was SEVEN…God's idea was eight!!!
And as you may already know, GOD WINS!!!! 

When God Calls…THEY MOVE! {the Cole family}

Today I want to introduce you to one of my phenomenal adoptive momma friends.

Sweet grinnin' Chasity!

Chasity and her beloved husband, Jonathan, have been married since 1997:

We had the DELIGHT of our paths crossing in Uganda together while we were bringing our sons home from that beautiful country. We hung out and did nearly everything together!!

Levy and Zeb 2011 in Uganda

 They are a family who has followed God wherever He leads.
First they had two gorgeous babies the old fashioned way. These babies are now teenagers:

Alex and Reagan

Then God burdened them with adoption. And Uganda. They followed Jesus where He lead them…straight into the arms of two gorgeous sons:

Jude and Levy

They came home the same time Zeb did. What a blessing that God knit our paths together!!
Then, they became burdened for domestic adoption…and they were able to be present for sweet baby Ava's birth and have been soooooo blessed by her presence in their life:

most precious Ava

Recent family pictures were taken and they are soooo adorable, aren't they???

Although they are QUITE busy with their amazing set of five children, the cry of the orphan STILL reaches their tender hearts.
They have learned about the most precious sibling set of three waiting in a nearby state:

And as incredible as it may seem…THEY ARE MAKING ROOM FOR THEM!!!! :)
AMAZING!!!
My friends need $2,000 right NOW to get this started again. I want to see this happen ASAP! 
Even at this writing they only have $1,690 left!! Friends and lovers of adoption, let's knock this out of the park TODAY!!! 
Go here to donate to bring this sibling set into this loving family!! You can follow their story on her blog, All Things His. 
Let's cheer them  on in their obedience to love and care for the orphan!  

Run YOUR race.

There is something that I think many of us suffer from...
                                                            the "disease" of comparing ourselves to others.

This can happen in ANY arena...

Your body.

Your intelligence.

Your beauty.

Your income.

Your reading list.

Your Facebook account.

Your vehicle.

Your education.

Your clothing.

Your speech.

Your children.

Your spouse.

Your checkbook.

Your parenting.

Your ability to hold it together.

Your decorating.

Your sewing.

Your cooking.

...and many more. (the list is endless, isn't it?)

Satan absolutely loves to get us going about, well, really anything! He cares not how he misguides our hearts, just THAT he gets our hearts off track.

Remember what Scripture says about him? "The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy..." John 10:10         He's out for blood, baby. Not just to irritate you.

(I learned this when he kicked me when I was down in the depths of grieving over another baby in the grave. He did not "give her a break, she's hurting," but rather came after me with a vehemence meant to destroy me once and for all.) I cannot help inserting a PRAISE GOD here for His faithfulness and the gift of Jesus who comes to give us ABUNDANCE in life (the rest of John 10:10!!)

I digress.

I used to struggle greatly with how my body compared to others. Now? It's all about how good of a mother I am. ...Or, actually APPEAR to be.

Since coming home from Africa with a former-orphan, I have been literally SWAMPED by my youngest three children's needs.

And honestly, there ain't a lot of hope that they are going to suddenly care about MY state of mind anytime soon. Toddlers, well, they are pretty much selfishness defined.

So the new area that Satan has tempted me with is watching other families via blogs and how they are "doing." I've listened to the lie that they are all doing better than I am.

I would be a fool to assume that anyone missed me blogging, so I'll just say it. I've written very few entries lately. I've had no ability to blog about my holiday decorations, cute ideas I had or new family traditions we installed this year. In fact, we didn't travel for the first time EVER over the holidays because the needs of our newest family member dictated such.

Not a single article of new clothing. Nobody matched in church on Christmas. In fact, we didn't even all go to church together over Christmas thanks to the family flu.

I thought about how this was his first Christmas and I should blog about it...but when the time came he was running a fever of over 102 and cried his way through Christmas morning. Blogworthy? Oh I don't think so.

My reality is: our house is messy and laundry is a continuous and never-done chore. I can't talk on the phone because I get mobbed by loud children who much of the time are fussing at each other. I tidy a room and the Littles untidy it again. Didn't I just vacuum that? Yes, yes I did, but someone has spilled the pretzel crumbs all over it. Someone comes to me crying. Someone else needs help with homework. Another child comes to me asking for love. (And yes, this is literally the verbiage used this morning by Darrah Kate, "Mommy, I t'ink I need sum wuv.") So I stop, kiss, solve problems, advise, listen and love. All the while the messes continue to whirl at breakneck speed. Not many craft projects are taking place.

I've had to stop following particular blogs that paint life with a well-groomed brush. I find myself looking at them and scouring them for faults. "Is their house REALLY that clutter free?!" "How does she think of all these ideas?" "How have they gotten their newly adopted children to attach so quickly?" "How can they afford that?" "They went where to serve whom?" "Matching outfits? Really?!" And I come back to my own life feeling like I don't measure up.

I've come to the realization that my dear Savior was pierced for this transgression. He was killed because of this sin of comparison. This is NOT how He wants me to live! I am not to live under a cloud of heaviness because I simply cannot keep up with [insert name of bloggy super mom here]! No! He wants my eyes where? Where again?

On Him.

Check it out. I think He's talking to ME!

source

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith." Hebrews 12:1-2

Two things: "And let us run with endurance the race God has set before US." I don't have to run your race. Or her race. I need only to run mine.

Ah. That's nice. And quite freeing too.

The second thing comes in verse 4. Get a load of this:
"After all, you have not yet given your lives in yours struggle against sin."

Gulp. Did you read that just now???

I haven't YET given my life in the struggle against sin. Wow. I'm not fully sure of what that verse means, but I can be sure that it means that I'm not done battling against the powerful force of sin. And that I haven't yet gone the distance in my effort to be free from it.

I have noticed that I can carry my carefully balanced load in an acceptable manner...until the unexpected comes along and demands my attention elsewhere. Like a house of cards it all crumbles and I am filled with intensity, stress and [gulp] yell at my children because of the stress I am under. I have learned that no matter what other people may be able to add to their plates, I cannot compare and must simply say no. I need to take on less so I am available for my children more. This is my race.

The process of saying no has been good for me. (You might try it!) I am forced to examine my worth in the eyes of Jesus again. It's not how MUCH I do, for how many people or how much money I raise for worthy causes. It's about doing what He asks me to do.

For now, that's simply to focus on the adjustment and attachment of our dear child from Uganda. Helping my other young children adjust to our new family and address the needs of each person with great care. It doesn't matter if other people agree or even understand. I just need to obey.

Sew matching outfits? Bake cutesy treats for the class at school? Volunteer at the nearby nursing home? Lead a Bible study? Assist with my child's team? Great ideas. But right now, I've just gotta run MY race.

And for now, those just aren't in my path.

Anneli's baptism!

It's a wonderful, glorious and much-prayed over moment when your child chooses on her own to follow Jesus. Our Anneli did that at the tender age of 4 1/2! Last weekend, at age 9, she followed through in being baptized. We have faithfully prayed for each of our children, led them to see who Jesus is and explain the gospel message to them in thousands of ways, trained them in Scripture and then waited on the Holy Spirit to draw them. We have never pushed being baptized upon our children but rather have waited until they are self-motivated to declare their faith to the world.

We believe that following Jesus' example and command to be baptized is to show the world publicly that we follow Him and have given Him control of our lives. Going under the water is akin to being one with Christ in His death for our sins and the rising up from the water (no, Anneli, they don't leave you under for long!) is symbolic of our joining Christ in His resurrection. One day, no one will be locked in the grave but we will ALL rise and meet Jesus in the air!

Enjoy some pictures of our Sweet Anneli showing the world that she follows Jesus!

Anneli boldly takes the microphone and shares her testimony with the entire congregation. 

I adore the look of affirmation on Daddy's face!

Daddy prays over Anneli.

Getting in the baptistry

Affirming her faith by answering some questions from Pastor Kent Norr

"I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son and in the Holy Spirit!"

"Oh! I've been baptized!"

Celebration apple pie!!

Leaving Our Agency

For those who are following our adoption journey, I write this post.

God has been doing a LOT in our hearts lately. To the tune of walking out on all we thought was secure and stepping into the realm of the unknown where both adventure, risk and great joy lie waiting.

source

Yesterday we left our adoption agency.

What?!?! Yes, we really did. "Are you still adopting?" they asked. "Yes, we are indeed. God is just taking us in a new direction."

Here's the thing:
Our agency was wonderful. I could never speak an ill word against them. They were godly people assisting families to adopt babies from the United States, Mexico, Ghana and Uganda. I would recommend them in a heartbeat to others who wanted to adopt to build their families.

But God.

There seems to be a theme in much of what He's doing in our lives. We begin a task, at His prompting and then just as we think we have it figured out...in He comes and surprises us with another direction. He has been burdening our hearts for the children who will never be adopted. The sick, the forgotten, the older child. It is just not for us to join a line of parents and wait our turn for healthy infants.

Part of our story (as is probably obvious) is that we have been able to have children. We have suffered great tragedy in doing so (losing three children who we'll delight in meeting and knowing in Heaven) but God has allowed us to "be fruitful and multiply." For some, this gift is withheld for reasons only God knows. My heart burns with longing for those of you in this situation. So for us, adoption is not about building our family. When I shared about our decision to adopt my brother asked, "Really? You want another kid?" I answered that this was not about what we wanted, but about what God wanted to do in us and through us.

And that remains true.

We feel God speaking clearly that we are to add children who are the "least of these" into our family. We have been on an emotional roller coaster over the past months thinking we found our children, but for one reason or another it was not to be. But one thing was made very clear to us: we are not to adopt a child/children who would otherwise be adopted. We also cannot adopt from an orphanage where they are training the children in God's ways and preparing them to be Uganda's next generation of leaders. We feel called to throw a lifeline to a family in desperate need. (Read this post of Tom Davis to learn a bit more about this concept and the "degrees of separation from birth parents.") We are called to the children who would otherwise remain in an orphanage for life. The children who would die in their current circumstance due to lack of medical attention. The children who truly are just a step away from the streets.

And this can be scary. You might have read my posts where I'm clinging to God, scared! Stepping out on faith is SCARY. Doing what others are not doing could be cause to FEAR. But God. He gives us His peace, He puts people in our path who know how to navigate independent adoption. He carefully sets us in a place where we are surrounded by His godly ones who can show us the path. And so, we follow His lead.

We ask you to pray for us as we proceed down this path. As we have said it many times "It's not about us." And it's not. It's about them. And someday (soon?) we know their names, see their faces and learn their stories. And we'll bring them home.

Fear vs. Faith--round 2

Would like to say that there is news...


                                                                            and there may be,

                                                                                                                                      ...or maybe not.

Where does fear of the future meet with faith? 

How do they intermingle? Does one balance out the other? Are they pure enemies?

                             I see them dance, but wait...
                                                                         are they not dancing, but wrestling?

Will Faithwin?  Will Love prevail?

Where is the line of what makes sense and what we are asked to do?

Are we even asked to do it?

Does a need presented mean WE must meet it?

Emotions abound.

Can we make clear decisions without emotions? Is faith connected to our emotions?

And the bigger, more echoing question...

Can we even hear God clearly anymore?

a prayer

Oh God, my God. 

You search and You know me. 

My future is laid out before you, there are no secrets. 

                             You see all, 

                                              You know all, 

                                                                               You hold all.

Nothing that takes me by surprise takes you by surprise. 

You hold my future in your hands.

I see your HANDPRINTS all over my life 

                                                                                                          ...and I glory in them.

You ask me to step out into the unknown

to walk where I've never gone before

and it's scary, God.

(so so scary!!)

But You make PROMISES to me,

Promises that I BELIEVE and will cling to.

May fear fall away as I step forward into the unknown

                     Shaking, 

                                               Weak

                                                                     ...but made STRONG

                                                                          by You living in me.

Project Hopeful logo used with permission.

How could you do that to your kids?

This is a question I've heard from people over the years. "How can you take those precious children to China for two years?" "How can you think about moving to India with those children?" "What about your REAL children...(when you adopt)? What will it do to them?" [This causes me to shudder as I realize that others place a separation between our biological children and our someday-to-be adopted children!]

These are real questions I have fielded. From people I love.

How can we do these "mean" things to our children? How can we cart them halfway around the world in the name of Christ? How can we upheave their world by adopting orphans who have an unknown past and might bring in unknown diseases? How can we return their Christmas presents and give to the poor instead?

We are called to do these things, not as individuals, but as a family. We do things together. That means serving God too.

It wasn't my idea...we tried tirelessly to go overseas before we had children. God stopped our plans each time. It wasn't until Jensi was 3 and Anneli was 1 that God opened the door and rolled out the red carpet for us to go. And we did. And it was amazing. We saw Him work miracles, both in us and around us. We went through great hardship, but He was enough for us and carried us through.

Certainly, you must know, as human beings we want to shelter our children from pain, hardship and turmoil. We want nothing to touch them that hurts. But don't we all know that our character grows best under the pain of these very things? Consider how a diamond is made--PRESSURE! Might we be praying a more effective prayer if we prayed for God to do whatever He needed to so that we might grow closer to Him rather than 'keep us safe,' or' keep us healthy' or 'bless us' with stuff?

I honestly think I thought I was saving my baby (Oskar) as I allowed Jensi, Anneli and Oliver's hands to be on my belly as they would boldly pray in their childlike faith, "Please God, let this baby live!" I couldn't fathom that God would ever allow a third child of ours to die. I truly thought that by involving my kids, God would protect their hearts from such pain and allow the baby inside me to live. (This is all months before we had any clue that he would in fact die at 39 weeks.)

But guess what? Our sweet Oskar did die. My children, the very same ones who prayed and did not receive what they asked for, walked through the grief with us as a family. They attended their baby brother's funeral, kissed his casket and squeezed my hand when the anniversaries roll around and the tears roll down my cheeks. We have experienced this as a family. And as a family, we have met God in the depths of our despair. Ask any of my children and they will tell you that GOD IS ENOUGH. No matter what they face, they know that He is real and He will help them to learn, grow and glorify Him through it.

So I don't see the fear that others do in our adoption. Questions like "how could we do this to our biological kids" doesn't even compute. How could we not? If God is asking us to take this journey, one that will cause our very family structure to change forever, how could we not include our children in such an opportunity? Even if it goes atrociously bad (which it could), would it still not be worth it? What is the value of living out our faith with our children? Teaching them what forgiveness looks like on a daily basis; learning what it means to love sacrificially; learning how to have faith in God when circumstances say that you should give up. In the end, is that not worth it? And would the fear of such pain seriously cause us to turn around and disobey God's command in our lives? I think you know the answer.

"Truly, truly, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." John 12:24.

We are in the process of dying to ourselves, that we might bear much fruit. It is our prayer that God is glorified through ALL we do. 

Camels, Raccoons and Shiny Things

Try as I might, I can't sleep. I can tell already that adoption, radical obedience and blogging are not going to be good for my sleep habits. So, I just decided to give in and get up and write.

Enough people have inquisitively asked me, "what is Christmas unshopping?" casually in conversation and so I instead of telling it all over again, I have been referring them to yesterday's post for the shortcut that it is for me. Plus, I may not do the story justice each time I have to tell it, so it really is better for them too. But I wonder, why do I not hear anything back from these people?

Maybe it's because they have busy lives and they haven't had a chance to read. Certainly that's the case in my world often enough. Maybe they wholeheartedly agree and were going to post and shout an "amen!" but their kid fell down the stairs and they had to rush off to the ER. Suddenly posting a comment on someone's blog would be a forgotten thing. But what tumbles over and again in my mind like a load of laundry in the dryer is, "What if it's because they're thinking, 'Wow, better you than me!!'???" What if they are thinking in their minds that what we have done is ludicrous or even sacrilegious or even evil to our children? Taking back their gifts?! Horrible! Why would parents impose their own convictions on their children's childhood like that?! Perhaps they are thinking that our Christmas unshopping is undermining family tradition and robbing our children of precious Christmas memories? Now not a soul has uttered these words to me, but I just wonder.

How married are we as Americans to our holiday traditions? Are we convinced that celebrating the birth of a Savior has to be done in a particular way? Maybe we'd quickly answer, "Oh, it can look very different from family to family." But do we really think that? Isn't it expected as you drive around at night time in December that each house will have lights up? That you can find a pretty tree glowing through a main window in each house? Afterall, this is how we Americans do things! But what in the world does it have to do with a baby born to impoverished teenagers in a stable? And why do we then surround the bottom of that tree with materialistic wealth when our counterparts on the other side of the planet are worn out from crying from hunger? The pain of a parent's heart bleeds as they wonder "will I be able to find a meal for my children today?" Is this the meaning of Christmas? If we had a tool that could look down into the situation of that mother and she could look back at us, what would she think? Would she wish us a Merry Christmas? What would she say when we pass the potatoes and ham around and toss away the leftovers we couldn't bear have one more bite without loosening up our belts a notch? Does this really make us happy? I fear the answer is no.

What do we ask our friends after Christmas has passed? Why we ask them, "How was your Christmas?" We don't mean, did you celebrate the birth of Christ in a meaningful way--did you find deep and abiding joy in your relationship with Him--were you moved to tears by the things that continue to be on that Savior's heart...no, we mean, "Did you have a fun day? Did you get to be surrounded by the people you love most? Was everyone healthy? Did you have fun watching your children open the gifts they wanted? Did you dine on rich foods till you nearly burst? Did you get some good relaxing in?" Just exactly what are we doing in America with Christmas???? I'm not really feeling good about it all.

I join my friend and fellow blogger in asking the question, what are we teaching our children when we give them a morning filled with opening material gifts that cater to their dreams and desires? I don't have an answer, but I join in her question. Our parents' generation did not question these things, they just went with tradition. But is it not time we step up and help our children grasp a WHOLE GOSPEL?

Yes, the book The Hole in Our Gospel is really gripping me. He tells what the whole gospel is...the good news of a Savior who has redeemed us for eternity...and it changes our lives HERE. We live DIFFERENTLY THAN THE WORLD because of our inheritance.

The statistics are out and they are very disconcerting to the church: some 80% (some reports are even higher!) of children leave the church never to come back after age 18. Wow. That's terrible. Seriously awful. As a former Christian Education Director I find this news appalling. What in the world is wrong? Youth group skits no longer out-entertain our high tech kids? No, it's much much deeper than that. I think there is a connection here. We are catering a selfish Christianity to these kids and they don't want it.  They want real, and you know, so do I. And I think God does too. A real faith is going to really impact my daily life, and the way Christianity has been lived out here in commonville America, well, it's not real different from the average non-faithing American. My life as a Christian should look totally weird and completely crazy to the watching unbeliever. But often, the only difference is a toned down vocabulary. Yikes.

What if these children were in families who were radically DOING what Jesus said in the Scriptures? Would they walk away from their faith if they spent their childhood living a selfless life, seeing the joy on the faces of people a world away for whom they had sacrificed their own comfort? Would they want to joyfully seek God's direction in their own lives if they experienced that deep abundant joy that Jesus told us He came to give us while they were still small?

Just this morning my girls and I were reading what Jesus said to the man with all the riches. The guy was young and he was interested in following Jesus. He knew there had to be more, but he didn't know what, so he asked Jesus! But as David Platt points out in his book, Radical, Jesus really did a pretty lousy job of getting Himself another follower! No instead of telling him, "Hey man! Great job on keeping all those commands! You're doing super! Keep up the good work!" Jesus tells him to go and sell all his possessions and give to the poor, then to come and follow Him. Now I love that in the in-between it says that "Jesus loved him." You see, Jesus said quite plainly, "I have come that they might have life and have it abundantly!" (John 10:10) It was our Savior's full plan that those who follow Him would give up rights to their life and pursue the Kingdom at their own skin's expense...but He was going to fill them with such joy and richness that they would live ABUNDANTLY in spite of it. That is not logical, it's Kingdom talk. We shouldn't understand that from an earthly perspective, we were never intended to. But this young rich guy stopped early. He wanted to follow Jesus, or at least he thought he did, but then he looked at his stuff and said, "No, it's too good. I can't possibly give it all up and follow him." The Bible even says the man went away sad! He didn't even get to be happy with his stuff! He went away sad! He chose a lose/lose. Heartbreaking for Jesus, I am sure.

Now I couldn't help interjecting a little lesson with my girls about the way to catch a raccoon. Do you know? They love shiny objects. They see something shiny and they want it. The will reach into (said container/trap) and grab that shiny object and be unable to draw their paw back out. The shiny thing is too big to fit with their paw back through the hole. Now if they were to drop the object of their affection, they could go free, but for the life of them, they will not let go. Do you see? Are we in love with our shiny objects? I think JR Tolkien got this concept and wrote about it in his Lord of the Rings trilogy!

Jesus tells his disciples who watch this whole exchange, "I tell you the truth, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven!" Wow. That's really is a great hyperbole, Jesus: a camel through a needle's eye! But wait...is it hyperbole? How many Americans are giving away all their stuff and moving into a small rented space among the poor in a below-par school district? How many people do you know are trying to downsize their vehicles and drive something smaller...not just to save on gas or to help keep the earth green? How many people are seeking out the widows and spending time with them? I know I'm not.

That's where the noise comes in. The texts. The news. The television shows. Tunes! Running our busy lives keeps us safely unable to listen to these verses and ponder what they might really mean if we let them just linger and dwell upon our hearts. Who in the world wants to give away their comfort? Well, I for one surely don't! I think each night as I settle into my special family-made down feather pillow, "ohhhh, Lord, I know my comfort isn't your goal, but I sure do love it!" I remember years ago my mother in law telling me, "Amy, God is not concerned about your comfort." I hated hearing that. But she was right. But what if there is more than just my comfort at stake here?

My comprehension of the gospel is that eternity begins now. We are rescued from sin to have eternal life with the God of the Universe. (That's totally incredible. I doubt I will ever get over that.) Eternity begins now and John 17:3 says so, "And this is the real and eternal life: that they know you, the one and only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You sent." (emphasis mine) So I can have that thrill and joy now, here in this earthly body, still struggling at present with sin among a fallen world. I am to die to myself (see the tab above about "grain of wheat" where God made this pretty personal for me!) and live to serve others and help them know and obey Jesus too. (Matthew 28:18-20) Then, my reward in heaven is going to far surpass anything this world could ever hold. The most luxurious of lives will look like poverty when we are in heaven! So why not give up my comfort now for the comfort I'm going to get later? We are even commanded to keep our eyes on things above, not on earthly things in Colossians 3! (I can see in my mind the people further down the road than I in this journey, smiling and saying, yes! So easy to say, so hard to do...but so worth it!)

My life is unraveling. I love it. I have no idea where it's taking us, or what lies around the next bend. It's scary and completely invigorating all at the same time. I mentioned to my parents as we discussed our adoption of two orphans from Uganda, "What if they are twins and they have a younger sister?" My dad's response was, "Amy, you're not running an orphanage!" And I smiled, "No, not yet!"