Refusing

Last week I had the privilege of taking my eldest two daughter to a concert. Josh Wilson opened and he gripped my heart when he sang this song:

Sometimes I

I just want to close my eyes

And act like everyone's alright

When I know they're not

This world needs God

But it's easier to stand and watch

I could say a prayer and just move on

Like nothing's wrong

But I refuse

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care

I don't want to say another empty prayer

Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself

Oh, I could choose

Not to move but I refuse

I can hear the least of these

Crying out so desperately

And I know we are the hands and feet

Of You, oh God

So, if You say move

It's time for me to follow through

And do what I was made to do

Show them who You are

I hope you delight in this song and are moved at the core of your being! The adventure awaits you...

Leaving Our Agency

For those who are following our adoption journey, I write this post.

God has been doing a LOT in our hearts lately. To the tune of walking out on all we thought was secure and stepping into the realm of the unknown where both adventure, risk and great joy lie waiting.

source

Yesterday we left our adoption agency.

What?!?! Yes, we really did. "Are you still adopting?" they asked. "Yes, we are indeed. God is just taking us in a new direction."

Here's the thing:
Our agency was wonderful. I could never speak an ill word against them. They were godly people assisting families to adopt babies from the United States, Mexico, Ghana and Uganda. I would recommend them in a heartbeat to others who wanted to adopt to build their families.

But God.

There seems to be a theme in much of what He's doing in our lives. We begin a task, at His prompting and then just as we think we have it figured out...in He comes and surprises us with another direction. He has been burdening our hearts for the children who will never be adopted. The sick, the forgotten, the older child. It is just not for us to join a line of parents and wait our turn for healthy infants.

Part of our story (as is probably obvious) is that we have been able to have children. We have suffered great tragedy in doing so (losing three children who we'll delight in meeting and knowing in Heaven) but God has allowed us to "be fruitful and multiply." For some, this gift is withheld for reasons only God knows. My heart burns with longing for those of you in this situation. So for us, adoption is not about building our family. When I shared about our decision to adopt my brother asked, "Really? You want another kid?" I answered that this was not about what we wanted, but about what God wanted to do in us and through us.

And that remains true.

We feel God speaking clearly that we are to add children who are the "least of these" into our family. We have been on an emotional roller coaster over the past months thinking we found our children, but for one reason or another it was not to be. But one thing was made very clear to us: we are not to adopt a child/children who would otherwise be adopted. We also cannot adopt from an orphanage where they are training the children in God's ways and preparing them to be Uganda's next generation of leaders. We feel called to throw a lifeline to a family in desperate need. (Read this post of Tom Davis to learn a bit more about this concept and the "degrees of separation from birth parents.") We are called to the children who would otherwise remain in an orphanage for life. The children who would die in their current circumstance due to lack of medical attention. The children who truly are just a step away from the streets.

And this can be scary. You might have read my posts where I'm clinging to God, scared! Stepping out on faith is SCARY. Doing what others are not doing could be cause to FEAR. But God. He gives us His peace, He puts people in our path who know how to navigate independent adoption. He carefully sets us in a place where we are surrounded by His godly ones who can show us the path. And so, we follow His lead.

We ask you to pray for us as we proceed down this path. As we have said it many times "It's not about us." And it's not. It's about them. And someday (soon?) we know their names, see their faces and learn their stories. And we'll bring them home.