Beautiful Things--Our Story

This is the video that God showed me in my mind while driving to an appointment earlier this week. "Beautiful Things" by Gungor came on the radio...and I watched the story of my life go by.

I was filled with joy and sheer awe. Tears were in my eyes and my heart was bursting!

Sometimes when you are living in a story, you don't always see the big picture!

God put this video together in my mind...and I came home and created what I saw. Special thanks to Brian Bagley for our airport homecoming footage!

As you see, Toby is patiently waiting for us to come for him. We are in the final weeks preparing to travel to bring him home! We still have $8,500 yet to raise in order to travel.

We have been graciously blessed by our church, Crossroads of Wauseon and Lifesong for Orphans, with a matching grant! Every amount given up to our grant will be DOUBLED! All money after that amount will come 100% to our adoption account payable for our adoption expenses. 

Will you prayerfully consider a gift to help us finish the task of bringing Toby home?

You can easily give online using the link on our sidebar: Lifesong for Orphans. Please follow the instructions below the picture.

However, if you would like to avoid the 1.9-2.9% Paypal service fee please write a check directly to Lifesong for Orphans. Your gift is tax deductible.  In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to the named non-profit organization. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor's suggested use. 

Mail checks to:

Lifesong for Orphans

PO Box 40

202 N. Ford St.

Gridley, IL 61744

Please write: Preference SHAW 3330 in the memo line.

We are forever grateful for the ways others have helped us fulfill what God has called us to do. In the words of Ashley Moreno,"We have been called to help heal, with God's help, a child who has suffered the profound damage of being unwanted and unloved. We are obediently living out the command given in James 1:27 to care for the orphan, clothing the gospel of Christ's redemption in flesh and blood. We are asking the body of Christ to come alongside us prayerfully and financially...to become part of the miracle of what God is doing!" 

New Toby Pictures!!!!

WOOOO HOOOOOOO!

We get to feast our eyes on this little one to whom God has called us!

ABUNDANT JOY blooms in my heart!

Just look at Toby now!!!

 And while you're here...look at the  picture in the sidebar...that was him ONE YEAR ago. He's gotten even CUTER!!! :)

Are you falling on the floor from all that CUTENESS!?!??!?!!?!?

I MELLLLLLLLLT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The update on this child is INCREDIBLE too...

1) Does Toby understand that he is being adopted? Not really, he is too young to understand that.

2) What therapy is he having for his arms and hands? We asked the doctors before. They said he needed surgery than therapy for his arms. So we haven't given him any therapy yet. But we always show him to use him hands more and more. Now he can use hands to hold food to eat with head help sometimes.

3) What are his favorite things to do? Favorite toys? He likes to play games outside. He loves play toys which his hands can handle better, not balls.

4)Does he enjoy music? Yes, he loves music. He always sings songs when he hears from TV or CD.

5) Please tell us about his personality. He is very outgoing and active. He is also very loving and likes to share. So he plays so well with other children.

{oh my. "outgoing and active also very loving" YES!!! he IS my child!!}

6) Do his knees, hips or ankles have any problems with stiffness? Is he able to run as well as walk? He has no problem with his lower limbs. He can even run well.

7) Has he been healthy? If he has been sick, what sickness? He is always healthy and hardly to get sick.

8) Does he play with other children or mostly alone? He likes to play other children very much.

9) How is his language development? What words does he say? Is he talkative? His language is normal. He can say many simple words and sentences.

This is just too much happiness for me to keep all to myself!!! PLEASE SHARE!!! :) :)

And...

               ...one more picture...that I think is my all time favorite!

Just look at this boy's personality SHINE!!!

My friend to whom I showed these pictures immediately sent me a link to this picture of myself from last summer: She was saying how MUCH he is going to fit in with our crazy-sauce style of life!!

A-hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! 

Oh sweet Toby, we are coming for you!! SOON!

Dear friends, please join me in praying for the remaining finances to complete his adoption. I am beside myself with JOY over this update and pictures but also really feel the URGENCY to get his medical needs attended to. It appears they may be something "else" joining the list of his special needs. We will not have answers until we meet him and then get him in to see some specialists. 

Click here to be directed to our fundraising page.

Oh How He Loves Us--amazing video you MUST watch!

Wow. 

I just watched the following video about adoption and special needs. I'm posting it here so you can also be touched by its joy.

I hope you'll give 6 1/2 minutes to just sit and enjoy watching some amazing children who are part of an amazing family SHINE.

New Film Premiere - I Like Adoption. from ILikeGiving.com on Vimeo.

Father God, 

You are so great. You call us to be like You. You adopted us into Your family. You took us from our state of need and gave us an incredible inheritance. Thank you for the opportunity to show your abundant love to others in this world.

Thank you for calling us into adoption.

With joy-filled hearts,

Your children

The Adventure of a Son with his Father

My favorite place on the planet is where the salty water meets the sandy earth.

The beach.

Oh, just the sound of it makes me happy!

This year we stopped everything for an entire week and sat around where water and land meet. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. But there was one moment in particular that was very special...watching our Zareb experience the beach and ocean waves for the very first time.

It was actually very emotional for me. Let me explain.

My adopted son, from a landlocked African country, finally got to put his toes in the ocean. We flew over that same ocean for hours upon hours last summer. We looked down through the tiny porthole in our airplane and talked about the ocean. We talked about the beach. I promised I would take him there--and that he would love it.

I have seen Zebby do many new things in the 9 months he's been home. I know that look of uncertainty and sometimes terror that he gets when he is unsure of something. I know that telltale shaking of his right hand when he is frightened. I know that tentative gait he takes on when he is scared. I expected to see all of that when we took him to the ocean.

But God.

In the form of my dear husband, God gave me a most gorgeous picture of how He walks me through this life.

You see, as Zeb approached the ocean with that tentative gait, his father came to him and held his hand.

Immediately, Zareb felt assured. This was going to be okay. Not scary.

They ventured out deeper.

Suddenly the water swirled up around ankles and surprised him with a shock of cold. Suddenly what was only "take me to the beach" now had depth in the meaning. It was no longer just a phrase, but it had meaning. Reality. Sensation. Hot, granular, cold, wet, rhythm...all completely unknown to him in the phrase "I'll take you to the beach soon, Zebby."

I couldn't help think in that moment how this is precisely what is going on with us--we look forward to the day we reach Heaven. We know a few things: God will be there, angels, no pain, no sadness, no sin...but we cannot truly grasp the depth of what HEAVEN itself means. We just have to wait until we go.

Just like that...Zeb had in his mind, no doubt, a diminished idea of what the beach really meant. Now he was here: touching, walking, hearing, smelling and tasting what to ocean really meant. That word came to life. And it was a swirling reality he was thrilled with!

Brian and Zeb continued to walk deeper into the ocean. Water around his knees now, he clung to his father's hand and was finding enjoyment in the waves that would come over and over again. Brian would allow him to let go and experience the power in those waves and little Zebby would topple...only to be quickly rescued by his father's strong arms.

I continued to watch the exchange, behind the lens of the camera. God was putting verses in my mind as I watched and I was thinking about heaven. It was a truly swelling moment (accompanied I am sure in heaven by great choruses of angels) when the water became too deep and Zeb's father swept him up safely in his arms and carried him.

The familiar poem "Footprints" came to mind. "...it was then that I carried you."

Emotion washed over me as I saw my husband play out the role of our loving Heavenly Father.

There was a time in our adoption process that we became frightened. That the fears of the unknown, the naysayers of this world grew loud and we were about to shut it all down and call it all off. We were going to walk away. It was too scary. Too much. We might lose control of our lives! (ha ha, I see that was a GOOD thing now!) During that very intense window of decision the same Father God spoke to Brian's heart. He said distinctly, "Let me bless you."

I continued to watch Zareb cling to Brian and point to go out further, further, further into the ocean. He had no fear at all in his father's arms. I saw them look with delight into each other's faces and I remembered God's words to Brian, "Let Me bless you." Once again, my heart burst.

I think so much happened in those 5-10 minutes that Zareb was introduced to the waters of the deep. Zareb learned again how Daddy is trustworthy and safe. Angels rejoiced over the adventure of a child. When we spoke later, Brian said he too remembered the words of the Lord to his heart and was savoring the joy on the face of his son in his arms.

Adoption is scary. But it is also wonderful. It's like having a daily picture of God self-sacrificing to bring us into His family. It is a continual picture of the wonderful ways that He cares for us as His very own dear children. We are so deeply blessed to have said yes to this major life change called adoption...I for one know I am better for it.

My little gifts!!

Isn't this so sweet?

I love being surrounded by these dear little gifts!!

Totally head over heels in love with these FIVE CHILDREN the Lord has seen fit to bless me with!!!

THANK YOU, LORD!!!!!!

The Dream Surrender

For years, we had a {homemade} sign that hung in each of our many houses (and yes, trust me, it was a lot of houses!) that said:

Never surrender your dreams

We would pray about whatever decision was on the table and discuss and work through the many sides of it and inevitably one of us would look up at this sign.

We would read it and remind the other of our "dream" and we'd make a decision that went most in line with that dream that we clung to.

It's popular thought, isn't it? 

"Cling to your dreams!"  and "Go after your dreams!" "Chase your dreams!" ????

Well, we have learned something over recent days.

And it's not at all what I was expecting.

God wants us to want HIM. 

Not. A. Dream.

Not even when the dream is FOR HIM.

I have read many biographies of people I hold in highest esteem. Not ONE of them had a 5 year plan and told God what they hoped to achieve. They did not write out their plan of action nor did they decide how they would fund it. 

Not one!!

Rather, they were busy walking with God and He led them to places they had (or had not desired!) and He gave them great ministry right there.

Why are we clinging to this dream?!?!?

God is passionate, wise and all knowing. 

He has plans for each of our lives that Scripture calls "good, pleasing and perfect."

And guess what?

Clinging to the dreams that WE have dreamt for our lives, well, it's not right.

He wants us clinging that desperately to HIM.

(Not to some idea we have for what we would like to do with our time on this planet.)

This is BIG around here.

Serious paradigm shift.

The sign came down about 2 years ago now, but the impact of it's message...is like residue on the side of the shower door. You don't even notice it...until it's cleaning day.

Yesterday was cleaning day.

We went through the great struggle of laying a 20 year dream on the altar to the Lord.

"Lord, we don't want this more than we want You. If You want that for us, then You do it. We are tired of trying to make it happen. We cannot seem to on our own, and now we lay it out for you. It is no longer our dream."

We laid our dream on the altar to the Lord...away it floated from our grasp.

And interestingly...

there was a great BREAKTHROUGH OF JOY!!! We realized that what He is calling us to do at this moment in our lives was never foreseen by us...but He had it planned all along!!

Had we continued to obey the mantra "never surrender your dreams" we would have missed the blessing that God has planned for us. 

This is major. MA-JOR. MA-JOR!!!!

We have not said what our dream was, nor what this new blessing is that we believe God has for us, but let me suffice it to say: we didn't see it coming.

Ever.

(We will no doubt share this with you when the time is right.)

But even in the first day of obedience unto Him regarding this we have been filled with more joy than what is comprehendible!!

We also have the full confidence that by making this step, we will not circumvent any plans that God may have had for us with our original dream. We KNOW that if He wants to do that TOO--He will! Oh yes He will!!!

At the end of Ephesians 3, Paul prays for the church there in Ephesus. He prays, "...and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine..."

Let me tell you friends BOTH are true!! I am testifying to being FILLED to the measure of the fullness of God and confident that He will do immeasurably MORE than all we ask or imagine!!!

I read this morning in Romans 10 and a portion of verse 3 stood off the page to me, "Refusing to accept God's way, they cling to their own way..."

Oh not anymore, Lord.

Now we sit here filled with this new awe of the Lord and in great and mighty anticipation of this new thing.

If all the joy was not confirmation enough, I found this quote late last night and was covered in chills:

Better Than You Can Imagine

"You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deed and your thoughts toward us: none can compare with You! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told." Psalm 40:5

What would you like to be doing in ten years? Perhaps you have a picture in mind of what the perfect future looks like. Interestingly, many people who achieve all their goals find that their success was not as satisfying as they thought it would be.

Yet there are those who've forgotten their own plans in order to pursue God. As David testified in Psalm 40, they discover a life full of purpose and love-abundant in hope and wonder.

Friend, you can imagine great things, but God's plans for you are infinitely better than all of them. So pursue and obey Him. He'll grant your heart's deepest desires and never disappoint you.

Busy...but taking time to be still.

There is chatter and laughter and little feet pitter pattering. There is also yelling, "Mom! She's being mean to me," and water overflowing in the bathroom sink.

Life.

It's busy, it's full
                           ...and this is my season.

It is my treasure.

I've not blogged much, but I am still indeed living life and treasuring moments. I am grateful for each one, even the ones that challenge me...I am emptied out and in need of filling. And I know WHO fills me up.

And I run to Him.

I just read a blog post and was deeply moved.

This is not the season of my life (at least today) for me to write much, but let me at least point you toward something that will take your breath away. It did mine.

Go here and be amazed.

You'll be glad you did and will be all the more excited to celebrate the birth of our precious Savior.

Merry Christmas. 

Let's PARTY...small style!

Party time!!!

(Although our original plans to have a huge celebration in our home town with family and friends had to be cancelled due to illness, we delighted in having the seven of us together for a little soiree of our own!)

For whom you may ask???

For...
This child we have loved on for 6 weeks in our home.

This child who a year ago had a much much bleaker outlook on life.

This child who went dazed and confused into an orphanage with 49 other lost children...relearning life and wondering what would be next.

This child whom God matched to our family.

This child for whom we did a heroic paper chase and YOU joined in the effort to help us bring him home.

This child whom we've fallen head over heels for.
(and you will too when you meet him!)

The monkey cake (he is always telling me he is my little monkey!) and the pizza, the ice cream and the laughter around the table were priceless.

These boys are just loving their BROTHERHOOD!!!

All the party-goers had a great time! (If you know Zora, you note the location of her red ball!) ;)

The singing...

The candle blowing...

The cheering!!!

The cake cutting... (I LOVE that he requested the monkey's smile...right in the MIDDLE! :))

The dancing!

The presents... (Wait, what are presents??? LEARNING QUICKLY that presents are FUN!!!!!)

                                                   The happy hugs...


And the one final question....

When can we do this again????

Dear Uganda...a letter to a land I love

Dear Uganda,

THANK YOU.

Thank you beyond words.

As in the phrase of the Mocha Club, "I need Africa more than Africa needs me."

You have changed me.

You have hosted miracles for me.

You have given me the most delightful, chocolate-skinned boy I have ever known.

We do not want to leave you...

                                                                 but the time is right, and for now we must.

I love your green leaves on the banana plants.

I love your well cared for roads.

I love your temperate weather.

I love your music!

I love your chapati.

I love your peanut sauce over steamed plantains.

I love your bottled Cokes!

I love your joy.

I love your stories.

I love your creative hair dos!

I love your welcoming nature.

"You are most welcome!" you say as I enter into a home or store.

I love your children.

I love your orphans.

I am so sorry for the pain you have. I want to stop it. I want to heal you.

I am sorry I come up short.

But I can pray with you, hope with you and work together with you to see God's redemption done in you.

I love your partnership with groups like Sixty Feet. I love that you know and trust them.

I love that you rule in the favor of legal guardianship so we may be blessed with this son of ours from your land.

Thank you. My heart is bound up in you.

Thank you more than all these words can say.

I will miss you.

And I will be back.

Crazy happy in LOVE!

We've had custody of our sweet son now for almost one week...

...and it's been a true JOY!

Visits to the Children's Prison

We went to M one week ago.

A prison for children.

Yes. That's right. For children aged 8-18. Here in Uganda.

And I simply cannot get it out of my head...and heart.

I do not have adequate words to share with you what it was like being in this place. I have prayed, ached and wept over it for eight months.

Truly, I was astounded at what I found there. 

Not because of their stories--they (of course!) were heartbreaking. Not because of their conditions, I was already aware of what I might find. Not because they were a bit standoffish...I would be too if I had experienced what they had.

But I was surprised that JOY in Christ was there. I don't know why it surprised me, the entire book of Philippians was written from a prison!

I think this picture perfectly captures what I want to see done in this place. Jesus brought to the kids.
Sixty Feet is doing just that. Plus doing practical things too. Gotta love when both come together.

I am so blessed to be aligned with Sixty Feet. They are essentially bringing Jesus into the prisons of Uganda. Showing Jesus' love to children who would otherwise not know.

Here you see one of the older boys...genuinely worshiping a God who has met him in his darkest, most fearful place. He is not forgotten. He is loved.

And I am blessed to be with him.

You just had to be there.

I was honored to just greet the children. Brian and I introduced ourselves and I couldn't help explain my emotion...a mere eight months ago I had learned about this prison. I shared with the children how honored I felt to be in their presence. To be with the very people I had longed and prayed for. I told them to remember: God hears and answers your prayers. I have no idea if they were choked up, but I sure was!

No, we weren't playing Simon Says...he was translating my words into Lugandan, the common language spoken here.

The second trip to M I got to spend more time with specific kids. They were a true delight. I had promised to put a puzzle together with one girl in particular, and she was so happy I had remembered. It was pretty awesome to sit on a filthy floor surrounded by overly strong-smelling children and work on a puzzle. I was impressed by their ability to see it through to the end.

That second visit we also had time to sing and laugh and play while Moses (Sixty Feet Ugandan staff) worked on the car. (He joked that we might need to spend the night. I was wondering what God might have in store for us if that were the case! But truly, if they lived there each day, then certainly I could stay one night without my things. But he fixed the car eventually!) I delighted in hearing the kids sing and play and they LOVED being able to record themselves with my iPhone! We took this picture that still makes me laugh!


This is the little guy who greeted us at the gate on the first day. I love that I captured a smile on that precious face. It required taking a first shot, showing him what he looked like and then capturing the giggle on his face when he saw himself! Isn't he just precious????

And he sits in prison. Sigh.

When can I go back????

Dwelling Deeper (Part 2)

I wrote a post a little bit ago about dwelling deep within the holy of holies in our hearts. Please go here if you have not read it. This post is my follow up as I continue to process these things.

I was doubled over in pain. Diarrhea wracked my body. While I waited it out, I picked up a little book called His Thoughts Said, His Father Said by Amy Carmichael. (She is one of my heros...a life given to Jesus in India!) I had recently written the aforementioned post about dwelling with God and even mentioning her name as one who seemed to not allow how she felt physically to impact her joy.

There I was, feeling quite miserable, and I stumbled on to this passage from this wonderful little book and I was stunned: (sorry for the details...God shows up at the craziest times!!)

Dwell Deep

His thoughts said, My longing is to heal the broken and the weak, to defend the maimed, and to lead the blind unto the sight of the glory of the Lord. My choice is to be a corn of wheat and fall into the ground and die. Then why these waverings?

His Father said, Too much of thy surface is exposed to the breath of every wind that bloweth. Thou must learn to dwell deep.

And the son who had wavered answered humbly, Renew within me a settled spirit. Establish me with Thy directing Spirit. My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed. I will sing and give praise.

My heart lept! There it was! Proof that my dear Amy Carmichael needed to consciously go deep in order to tolerate the circumstances she faced in the world. (How could she have lived among the neediest in the world without aching for their healing till it killed her?!?!? THIS IS HOW!)

Just then I pulled this lovely tee shirt out of my drawer for the day. (One of our adoption fundraising shirts!) Isn't this just incredible? I was beginning to get what God was teaching me! (Complete with diagram!) The secret to true, everlasting joy! No matter how my body felt, no matter how many children melting down around me, no matter what atrocities I may encounter as I travel around the world. Dwell deep down in that secret space with the Lord. 

I love that Amy pointed out that too much of her was above ground...too much of her was feeling the wind above the surface. She needed to go DEEPER. Now those verses about hiding myself in God make sense.

Psalm 17:8 "Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me in the shadow of your wings..." (emphasis added)

And take a minute to soak this one in with great joy:


Psalm 27:5 "For in the day of trouble He will keep me safe in His dwelling;
He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle and set me high upon a rock."

WOW!!! That was how I got here in the first place--realizing that my body is God's tabernacle (temple) and that I needed to dwell with Him in the Holy of Holies!!

Isn't God so amazing to show us such sweet things?

So my challenge now is that when things overwhelm, threaten, frighten and intimidate--I beg to go deeper with Him in that special place and have less of me exposed to the surface winds.  More than just having deep roots...it's dwelling there with great joy. Having MORE of my life spent in that quiet space with Him than taking in life from the surface. How to work that out with 4 children, a household to manage, two businesses and an adoption underway is mine to work out on a moment by moment basis.

How do you dwell? Do you go deeper when it gets tough? Let us seek to live deeper with God in the secret place so that we can tolerate that which blows in our lives above the surface.

We will be blessed beyond measure by His presence.

"How good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things You do."  Psalm 73: 28

Life after Losing a Child

Everyone has pain.

Not everyone heals and shines afterwards. So, what is the difference? How can some come through life-altering tragedies with a song in their heart and a spring in their step while others are broken, bitter and angry for life?

The depth of the pain, the reality of the experience, and the joy of the healing--it's all REAL. And I want to tell you about it.

After our first child died (Anneli's twin, Timothy, at 22 weeks gestation) I recognized the need to walk through grief. I had been given the name and telephone number of a woman who had also lost a twin child while still pregnant and proceeded to give live birth to the second twin. I dialed the number and listened as this woman recounted her story. Our losses were similar. But something was different...she was the most bitter person I had ever come into contact with.

"How can I not be bitter?" I asked myself and God. The biggest thing I learned from this woman was that I didn't want to be like her.

Shortly before I became pregnant with the twins I had read and prayed a verse from I Corinthians chapter 3. It talks about building up on your foundation of Jesus. It says,

"If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person's work." verses 12-13

I noted how gold, silver and costly stones were not readily available. But that wood, hay and straw were. Anyone could just go for a walk and pick up those latter three for free along the way. It is much harder to acquire gold, silver and costly stones. They aren't just lying around for the taking! This makes them precious.

So I prayed that I would have a faith full of

gold

silver

and costly stones.

And then my dream of twins came crashing to a tragic end. He was gone. There was nothing we could do but watch his body get smaller and smaller on every subsequent ultrasound. It was painful, of course, but for a girl who'd prayed to have twins since childhood, it was pure torture.

This bitter woman showing me what I could potentially look like two years down the road. I didn't want to be like her. Enter the verse from Isaiah...

I will give you the treasures of darkness, 

riches stored in secret places,

so that you may know that I am the Lord,

the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

                                             Isaiah 45:3

I realized that those costly stones were the very same "treasures of darkness" and that they were as good as "riches stored in secret places." If I wanted to have faith that was marked of such things as gold, silver and costly stones, then I needed to go digging. Digging/mining into the tragedy God allowed into my life.

I truly believe that God has gifts for us in our tragedies. No one will escape pain in life. It's true. Jesus said so!  I went after those gifts hidden in the darkness of tragedy as if my life depended upon it. For me, this meant reading books about others' losses, crying extensively, journaling, writing poetry and talking with trusted friends.

Each time we lost a child, I learned more. By the time of Oskar's homegoing, I was a well experienced griever. I already had hammered through the question, "Why is this happening to me if God is good?" and I knew He was with me. Because of my prior experience in grief, I got to skip through some of the initial stages.

Grief is a cyclical process. You can study the different stages of it, but you will realize that they do not come to you in any particular order. And once they've gone, this doesn't mean they won't be back. But here's what I found encouraging: each time the same stage revisited me, I was different. Greater amounts of gold had been added to my foundation. I was newly equipped with what it took to rise to the next level in the cycle. Like a winding staircase that keeps passing "north," my grief had been here before, but felt a little different. I was a little different. I saw change. I saw growth in myself and this was encouraging.

If you are going through something painful in your life, what are you doing with your grief? Are you choosing to chew on it like a cow chews its cud? Are you letting bitterness fester in your heart? Are you slamming the door on your faith because you cannot fathom how God could let this happen to you?

I cry out to you: come in your pain to Jesus.

He is bigger than you, and therefore He does not need to explain His choices to you. This is so hard for us, because we rest on our logic. We have this thing for needing to understand. But sometimes, in the economy of God, we simply cannot. Give that "right" over.

He is more loving than you can possibly imagine, whether or not you believe this. His love is so deep and long and wide and high that no angel or demon or sin or tragedy can divide, pull, remove or dissolve God's love for us. (see Romans 8:38-39)

As crazy as it may seem against the backdrop of your tragedy, God has a plan for your life.

Listen to these sweet words from Isaiah chapter 35:

Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert.

The burning sand will become a pool

the thirsty ground bubbling springs.

In the haunts where jackals once lay,

grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.

I love that!! In the very place where your pain now resides, God will redeem it with good things. Has He given my babies back to me from the dead? No. Has He given me another set of twins? Not yet. But He has done something beautiful--

"To all who mourn in Israel, He will give a crown of BEAUTY for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair." Isaiah 61:3

Delight in the hope and promise from this Scripture from Psalm 126:5-6 as well:

Those who plant in tears will harvest with SHOUTS OF JOY. Those who went off with HEAVY HEARTS will come home LAUGHING, with ARMLOADS OF BLESSING." 

Come view your tragedy as an opportunity. An invitation for you to come and mine in the secret places. This is off the beaten path. It's a place that not all will dare to go. But you will. You will not allow this tragedy to crush you. You will NOT allow this wound to mar you so that you permanently limp.

Not everyone will emerge with deepened faith. 

But some do. Will you?