Birth Parent Loss--My Ache for Them

Sometimes it doesn't take much to light a fire in my heart to make me want to write. Sometimes writing is the only vehicle for my intense emotions.
This morning, it was this picture that undid my heart:

Used with permission from Casey Chappell

This glorious image of a boy, head thrown back in laughter, in the arms of his birth mother also in the same pose.
Don't they look so happy? So ALIKE.
Yet she is not raising him. She has spent the past 5 years getting herself together. And she bravely placed her baby into the arms of a family she only knew by letter…trusting they would raise him well.
And they have.
And as in open adoptions, they know one another.
This was a brave post by this adoptive mom…she was celebrating the amazing choice that this birth mother made to give her baby life and not take it from him because it was not convenient for her to become a parent at that time in her life. 
Let me have you read her sentiment in her own words: 

5 years ago today this brave young lady gave birth to this super smart and adventurous boy. Words can't explain how much I admire her courage to place her baby with a family she only knew through a letter.  She's had a long 5 years and is getting ready for the rest of her life and knowing Jack is one of those precious things that both she and Dan and I value greatly. Birth moms are incredible and I'm so glad that I have the privilege to know 3 American women and wish I knew the 2 African women who have given life to the children who call me mom.          ~Casey Chappell

I love this. And it had me in a puddle of tears.
This tender young birth mother! She bravely made an adoption plan for her baby and followed through.
How difficult.
How ripping.
Do we, adoptive parents, pause long enough to fathom what these birth parents go through as they place their precious children for adoption?
Or are we all about OUR timelines, our fundraising, our dossiers, and obtaining our police clearances??
We turned to International adoption for many reasons, and one of which was that the adoption would not be open. We would NOT be faced with the unknowns of visitations from birth family. 
I must say, after seeing this post and hearing stories from my domestic adoptive mom friends…I wish we had the opportunity to know our children's birth families.
I am struck how selfish our desire for closed adoptions has been.
Ugh.
Yet, our 3 "grafted in" children's stories would be the same no matter who adopted them. They all have deep, dark gaping holes of their past. Abandonments. Only one with a note, and it was not personal. 
Their aches are so real. So painful.
I ache to hear our son lament that he wishes he could give food to his Africa mommy…because she might be hungry.
I cry at night when I hear him tell me how much he longs to have been born in my tummy. Really, I think he aches to know the woman who gave him life and to KNOW the answers to his past.
I think of these biological parents who gave away their children in China when they were born "different" than they expected.
And honestly, I had PLENTY of time to choose them as my children, to investigate their special needs and to evaluate if I could "handle them." They did not get this luxury.
As Toby giggles or Esty walks using canes and braces I WISH DESPERATELY I could have their birth mothers standing there with me. I'd place my arms around them and say, "LOOK! That's OUR baby!!! Doing sooooo well! Thank you for making this most difficult choice for them!"
And then I'd plant a big fat kiss on their cheeks.
Adoption is riddled with pain, ache, longing. It's impossible to be torn away from your roots and not have scars.
And it is just as impossible to scoop these treasured children into your family and not feel heavy hearted over the loss your children feel, but also the loss for these nebulous birth parents who are just "somewhere" out there. 
Oh how I wish I knew their names, knew their phone numbers. How I'd love to text the video of Esty WALKING into school on her own this morning. 
I'd love to text the funnies said by Toby. I'd love to show them how he can feed himself because of his surgery. I would love to ask them who is the eternal optimist that put such sunshine into my son's heart!
I'd love to let Zeb's mommy know that he is safe. He is well fed, he is attending school and making amazing progress. That their choices have worked out well for their precious child.
I planted rose bushes for each of these mothers. They are still blooming now, well into the fall, just as their babies are blooming here with us.
But I still cry for them. I still feel the pain of their losses. If YOU were one of my children's birth mothers then I say to you: be at peace. Your child is my treasure. Your baby is happy. Your son/daughter is valued, getting an education, knowing love. Your sweet one is being nurtured to discover their strengths and go after their future with gusto. Medical needs are being attended to. Opportunities abound. I carry your child in our family with utmost care and love. Your child will soar is soaring!!!
And then, I'd hug them...and then cry too.

Hey Valentine, Love Endlessly!

So many of you supported our adoption process of all THREE of our treasures from afar.
HOW WE THANK YOU.
We could never have brought them home without you.
And we OH HOW WE treasure having them in our arms!!!!
So many of you ordered our most recent shirts…the "Love endlessly" ones that spawned from a painting I made for the art auction. 
We did not order extras, and many people saw them and wanted to order!
Well, we've got a little surprise for you: THEY ARE BACK!!!

This time, we are doing a solid red heart with all white print. These will be available in tees and hoodies in your choice of grey or pink.

Think love.
Think Valentine's Day!

We are also using different shirts. These will be printed on heavy Gildan sweatshirt hoodies; unisex Gildan "softstyle" for grey tees (a relaxed fit that is soft…the same as our Chosen shirts); a junior fit women's style on pink (so these run small…order 1-2 sizes up for comfort) and youth sizes for both tees and hoodies!
With all this snow this year, you can't have enough hoodies!! (At least we can't around here!) The youth hoodies are available in both colors but in sizes medium (10-12) and large (12-14).
The funds will go to alleviate our debt from Esty's emergency hospital stays in Guangzhou. After that amount is raised we will donate all our profits to our fabulous friends, the Coles, who are embarking upon yet another {surprise!} adoption…the biological sibling to their most recent adopted Ava!!
Go here to order yours!! 
Love endlessly!!

Moyer Family Update

Oh my dear friends...

WE MUST KEEP PRAYING.

My friend Jenny has shared with me that things are NOT going smoothly in their efforts to get Vitaliy out of Russia and into their family.

More than likely, he has been transferred to a very ugly, frightening place. They do know that he was NOT admitted to the monastery where they hoped he would be able to go. :(

They are NOT giving up, but their options are incredibly limited. Their most recent attempt to bring him home was met with a big fat NO.

How would this affect you? I'd be incredibly crushed.

On top of this, their domestically adopted daughter has a half sibling who was about to be born. They were asked to adopt him.

They rejoiced with this news!!

They named him Solomon Robert.

His nursery is ready.

And then...birthmom changed her mind.

Double whammy.

Can you believe it????

Neither can I.

We must keep praying, sweet friends. We cannot let up. This family is under fire. They have their hearts open to children who are in need of a family both domestically and internationally. They have not said no to special needs. They are denying themselves and following Jesus.

And it's gotten messy.

And their hearts are broken and achy.

Jenny said, "I feel depressed, but functional. I am so grateful for the 3 kids here to keep me going."

Please, please keep praying.

She also said like the warrior she is, "Faithwise, I am not shaken. For the first time I'm asking God why but I still know this is for our good and His glory. I just don't see it. It's so dark."

They also have maintained a commitment to continue going to Russia to visit Vitaliy until it is no longer possible.

Will you take on this family to pray for them? My heart screams that we need more prayer warriors on their behalf!!

Maybe you would be willing to send a message or prayer of encouragement to them? You can contact me on Facebook to do this or leave a comment here.

A MONUMENTAL DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's time for a HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you ready!?!?!?!?!

(drum roll please...)

We are FULLY FUNDED for Toby's adoption!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES!!!! IT IS TRUE!!!!

Our amazing and incredible God brought in $32,000 in just 9 months time to fund the adoption that was HIS IDEA in the first place!!!
HALLELUJAH!!!!

But...

there's more!

WHAT?!?!?!

Did we get Travel Approval? 

Nope.

Listen to this amazing story:

My crazy awesome friend Chasity Cole is also adopting. We adopted in Uganda together back in the summer of 2011. She called me last week to let me know that God had performed a miracle and they were fully funded.

She wanted to help me with funding.

So she invented and pulled off a MOST AMAZING auction. (see previous post!!)

Then, today Tuesday February 26, 2013 God brought the rest of our necessary money in and we now share the status, "Fully funded."

I have a sweet friend, Angie Rylands, who is also adopting as well. (go figure!) This family is adopting TWO children at once from China. (VERY EXPENSIVE!) The two children are older boys...the ones who often get overlooked. A 9 year old boy and a boy who is about to age out (almost turning 14.)

Side note: In China, children are allowed to live in orphanages until they are 14. Upon their 14th birthday they are moved along in life. They are put out on to the streets. If they have any kind of special need, this is a death wish. Sexual slavery, drugs, street life awaits. 15% commit suicide. Most have no education or job skills. At age FOURTEEN. This is a desperate situation.

So, anyway...back to the Rylands...they have been raising a CRAZY amount of money to go and bring these boys home. I often thought, "wow, glad that's not MY amount..." And today...they saw God move mountains as well...

...their number went from $30,000 left on December 1st to $17,000 on January 1st to $12,900 on February 1st...and yesterday their need was $7,778 And today...with our full funding we were blessed to be part of polishing off their need and now they join us as:

FULLY FUNDED!!!!

And this leads us to another family, the Smiths, who are in dire need of funds. They were in China last August adopting and fell in love with this sweet girl who is deaf: 

Guan Ya

They knew that God had her for their family and they worked their tails off to return to China to bring her home. One problem...she ages out on March 8th!! They leave in THREE DAYS to go bring her home before she ages out...so Angie and I thought we would help THEM raise their final funds!! 

God has blessed each of us: Chasity, us, the Rylands...now it's time to bless the Smiths!!

But wait!!!

SCREEECH!!!

They are now only $200 odd dollars away from ALSO BEING FULLY FUNDED!!!!!

So I was telling Niki, "We are going to blow that outta the park!" And she said, "Nope! Got someone on it! Go find someone else!!"

HA!!! LOVE IT!!

So...we now issue out a challenge from ALL of us:

CHASITY, ANGIE, NIKI and MYSELF:

We want you to help us get Jennifer's daughter home!!!

Jennifer has traveled to China multiple times and has ministered to many orphans over her trips. There is one orphanage especially founded for children with Brittle Bone Disease. There is one very special child who has captured Jennifer's heart in a way unlike any other orphan ever has. 

Jesus whispered, "She is yours."

So along with some red tape that none of us can do anything about...Jennifer needs funding to be able to travel to get this sweet child and attend to her medical and spiritual needs.

Now one of the most AMAZING things is that Jennifer is the CEO of the non-profit ministry Into the Field that exists to serve as servants around the corner and around the world. A huge passion is loving orphans home. Once Jennifer's adoption is FULLY FUNDED then monies will be available for other adoptive families in grants! In other words: IT KEEPS ON GIVING!!! TOO COOL!!

So go here and keep the momentum rolling! Donate to her Razoo link on the sidebar! $15,000 is the number to hit! Ready...set...GO!!!

Join with us as we link arms as a body of Christ to help MORE ORPHANS HOME!!! LINK UP!!

(And please pray for each of our families as we go through the amazing process of adding a children into our families! This is delicate heart work and we need TONS of grace, patience and wisdom from God Himself!!)

Oh How He Loves Us--amazing video you MUST watch!

Wow. 

I just watched the following video about adoption and special needs. I'm posting it here so you can also be touched by its joy.

I hope you'll give 6 1/2 minutes to just sit and enjoy watching some amazing children who are part of an amazing family SHINE.

New Film Premiere - I Like Adoption. from ILikeGiving.com on Vimeo.

Father God, 

You are so great. You call us to be like You. You adopted us into Your family. You took us from our state of need and gave us an incredible inheritance. Thank you for the opportunity to show your abundant love to others in this world.

Thank you for calling us into adoption.

With joy-filled hearts,

Your children