A Letter of Love to 2 Unknown Birth Mothers

Dear Unknown Birth Mothers of my Two Sons,

I do not know your names. I have not seen your faces. I do not know your stories.

But I love you.

You carried the flesh and blood of my two sons. You nourished, carried and hosted the miracle of life given to you by our amazing God.

You did not terminate the lives of my two children.

You could have.

You didn't.

I cannot thank you enough.

What hardship you endured, I cannot fathom.

You each loved of them so intensely.

I know you did. There are clues all about their stories that indicate your love.

You cared.

How it must have broken you in two to make the choice to allow someone (me) to come along in their future to raise them.

I cannot walk a mile in your shoes, but I respect you.

And I cannot stop thanking you.

The laughter and joy that Zeb brings my heart---oh how I wish you could know it too! Perhaps you treasure memories in your own heart on a day like this? Perhaps you think daily of your son you have lost. Wondering. Hoping.

I promise you: I will raise him as if you were here with me. Holding him in my arms when he is frightened.

Wiping his tears (and that ever runny nose) when he is hurt or sad.

Guiding his heart to trust.

Leading him to Jesus--where all sorrows melt into joy.

And to Toby's birth mother, oh you precious woman! How can I thank you for so carefully placing him in a spot where he would be immediately found?

Your heart knows exactly how old he is.

I understand...

I lost a son too. He would have been 6 1/2 now.

You know very well that your son is 2 1/2.

Please carry no guilt. You don't need that on top of a broken heart.

Know that I treasure Toby as my very own flesh and blood.

I promise to you as well: I will raise him as if you were here with me, looking over my shoulder, listening to how I comfort, train and teach.

And those scary things about his body that didn't look "right?"

Worry not! We are working with those and will be seen by the best doctors in the West for his condition. His differences are not scary for us (who had plenty of months to research and prepare), as they must have been terrifying for you. We are surrounded by supportive people who also have children like this. We are in good hands.

Oh how different it is when we CHOOSE a special need versus you who had it sprung upon you without warning or explanation.

I planted a rose bush in my garden for each of you:

Red for Toby's China mommy

It is a memorial garden to honor your memory. To teach my sons that they have been loved from their very beginnings.

A place for them to be when they feel they want to just thank you.

Or cry for you.

Or even be angry.

Pink roses for Zeb's Uganda Mommy

There is so much loss in adoption, but much gain.

You ladies each gave to them.

You gave to me.

And so today, on this Mother's Day, I honor you.

Sincerely,

Adoptive Mommy to your birth sons