oh.my.heart.

There's an ache in my heart that won't go away.

I don't know what to do about it, and I feel a bit like a shotgun all spread out looking for ways to ease the ache. I'm literally all over the place.

I ache for something.

But I can't quite figure it out yet.

I look at causes to jump into.

I look at getting more involved with our church.

I dream of mission trips with my older daughters.

I hear of different organizations I can partner with to advocate for the orphan.

And I stay up late looking through pages and pages of waiting children to adopt.

Source

oh.my.heart.

The need is HUGE.

There are literally thousands of children here in AMERICA who need a family.

There are kabillions of children with special needs waiting for a family to say YES to them all over the world. Meanwhile, they wait.

I've looked. 


I've cried.


I've asked.

For now, it's just an ache.

Hopefully soon, I'll know what to do about it.

Until then, I keep turning it back over to my Lord who holds the hands of each lonely child in our world and He knows the plans He has for them.

And for me.

I will not live a safe life

That's right. I don't want a safe life. Where did people get this idea that doing God's will puts them in the safest possible place? I think the quip is something like, "Being in the center of God's will is the safest place to be." I don't get it. I see little evidence of that in Scripture. Ask Stephen, the first martyr. Was he safe? I think not. He died at the hands of those who hated and mocked him. (Reminiscent of Someone!) Yet he had joy and peace in the moment of his death. Hmmm, interesting.

I want to live a life that follows Jesus. And He never said following Him would be safe. He never said it would be easy. People will oppose you, call you crazy and turn their backs on you. He never assured you of comfort, ease or popularity. In fact, He said quite the opposite, "Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, whoever loses his life will find it."

So who in their right mind wants to live like this? To follow Jesus means sure death? Death to self, yes. Death to the American dream, yes. Death to what is "normal," yes. I want to live like this because He said, "If you love me you will obey me." I love Him, therefore I obey. This flows out of my genuine gratitude for His love for me. There is a very real joy in joining the work of God. Deep abiding joy that one cannot know if one remains in the realm of safe. Safe is not where it's at.

So we move forward in our pursuit of adoption. Are we going to blow apart the status quo? Absolutely. Will our family look the same? No way. Will we be rejected by our community? Maybe. Will we be doing the right thing? Well, according to Scripture yes, "Religion that God accepts as pure and faultless is this, to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." And Psalm 68:5-6, "Father to the fatherless, defender of widows--this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families..." Those families have to be willing to do a radical thing by inviting in the lonely.

I am astonished at how different the Bible looks after reading the book The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns (President of World Vision). Verses that I practically never really even saw now stand out on the page to me. My heart beats faster when I read passages like Isaiah 58, "Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter--when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?" [This passage is in response to the people who were doing all the "right" religious things and were wondering why God wasn't hearing them. It's because they were not carrying out justice among those God cared about.]

Which leads me to another passage that has sprung to life for me in recent months: the well loved Micah 6:8. "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God." That doing justice part seems awfully important if it's at the front of the list!

I am not trying to expound on any one Scripture or wax eloquently about any one topic, but merely to declare outloud that I WILL NOT CHOOSE A SAFE LIFE. I will take risks as deemed necessary in order to follow what course God has asked me to take. I will live on the edge of rational and I do honestly hope that if you are not a Christ follower, that my life will look awfully odd to you. I do not seek to make "sense" to the average person. I want to live a life completely sold out to the Lord...and that will not look normal, common or average. 

Why do you want to adopt?!?!

It's worth it all...

At the end of it all: the endless essays, the fingerprinting, the paper chase and all the fundraising...this is what it is all for. It is such a great reminder to me that the children are God's children and they wait to have their Momma and Daddy come and hold them for the first time and take them home. It's worth it all....it's worth it all.