Raw and Real

With a post title like that, you know it's gonna be ugly.

Dontcha?
I cannot bring myself to blog often. Let me be raw and real with you: parenting two toddlers who are stagger stepped in age by 7 months is nothing short of HARD, THANKLESS WORK.

We have come to realize that adoption is not all it's cracked up to be. Well, we have given a very needy child a home, more importantly a family...and we've given ourselves more and more WORK.

Better look at that with some "Christian-ese" right? We've given ourselves "more opportunity to trust God."

I think that is what most people would say. That sure sounds better than, "Man this is WAAAAY harder than I ever dreamed!!"

I have discovered that I truly love the IDEA of adoption but the actual work of adoption, not so much. I love the idea of rallying people to help, but the actual helping part, well...that's what I've rallied people together for, right?

Please do not misread me: I love adoption! And I adore Zareb!!! (The children waiting for families break my heart daily!)

But I am NOT liking the discomfort adoption causes in my life. It's clipped my wings in every sense of the word. 

One of the most challenging seasons I have faced, this first 5 months home has been full of so much. And the bulk of it I cannot share. Just know that if you've felt a burden to pray for our family, we have and still do indeed need it.

Something I have come face to face with about myself is that I am a visionary. That's great and awesome when a group needs a leader. When people need motivated. It's great when direction needs to be found. But it's not so great when life is so repetitive, exhausting and well, daily. (You've heard this before from me lately haven't you?)

I have been given hope by those who listen as I bare my soul that God is working on me. At first this thought shocked me. I truly thought NOTHING GOOD was happening. We are not progressing in potty training, I am not progressing in my patience level, I am not doing anything different than I did 4 weeks ago. (I really need to see PROGRESS in order to keep going!) But here it was from two different sources:

"God is working in you. Doing a great thing. He's getting you READY."

Really???

My soul perks up at this. Hope. I feel the lightness of the wind of hope blowing gently into my sails.

God might truly be changing me through...this???

I have now observed myself able to clean up giardia-filled diarrhea that spills out of diapers without losing my head. I stayed up till 2 am last night rocking a feverish Zebby filled with nothing but love and adoration for him. (Previously, I am QUITE SURE I would have been far more worried about how I'd survive the next day because of my "sacrifice!" Blech!) I've knelt down and tried to patiently decipher his stammering sentences. And we've made it out the door for the bus this week with everyone in happy moods and we haven't even missed the bus once this week.

Could it be true?

God is working on me in this...daily nothingness?

YES. It comes to me resoundingly.

Also that I am not surrounded by mundane. This is not "nothingness." I am given a front row seat to the metamorphic changes in a former orphan and a selfish woman. These are the building block moments for his life. These are the slow one-step-forward-two-steps-back days of healing. And for our little Darrah Kate as well. These are the moments that provide them a good strong, solid start in life that they need. The solid base of love they need to know is always here. Their God-infused years of toddlerhood that launch them into life.

This gives me the hope and encouragement to carry on. To see this thing through. To love without measure. To trust my exhaustion and personal needs into the hands of my Savior. He's promised to not only never leave me, but meet all my needs according to His riches (not in accordance to my lack!).

And there I rest.

Time to dole out a snack and change the laundry over. And stop these two from fighting over the Barbie laptop.

The Love Strand Challenge

I have an idea. You've probably see on Flickr, Facebook or somewhere on someone's blog where people step up to a personal challenge of taking one picture every day of an entire year. They will have captions like 1/365 for January 1st and then continue on through the year. The super amazing people make it to post picture number 365/365 on December 31st. I have thought I'd like to do that, but when the idea flits across my little brain, it's mid-year some point.  I think, "Well, I'll remember in January and start the year off right." Yep, you guessed it, today is January 30th. I missed again.

I got to thinking, "Why not just do it for a month?" AH HA!!! And what month is next??? FEBRUARY!! The shortest month of the year! Hey! Now I just might be able to follow through on 28 days of picture taking and posting! The more the idea rolled around in my head, the more like a snowball it became, picking up other ideas too. I'll keep a theme: love. Everything I photograph will be about love. Either something I love, something that speaks love or is a symbol of love. I will let the creative muse for the day simply take over and inspire me each day.

And then my idea expanded. What about getting other people to participate too? It's one thing to look at my pictures of love for a month, but what if a whole crew of us were doing it? What if we could all link to each other's blogs so we could see what each other is posting? What if I could find a way to post on my blog like Missy did on her blog of practical ideas (see her post here) so that we could easily check in on other's posts? (You have to understand I'm a baby in the blogger world, only doing this since last month. There's TONS I have no idea how to do!!) UPDATE: I figured it out!! Add your name and url in the box below and your name will appear in this post with a live link to the site you name! COOL! :)

So here's my challenge: Take a picture each day of February. Keep the theme of love. Post one picture each day with the caption 1/28, 2/28, and so forth. Add a caption or text if you like. Word happy people like me will be challenged to let the picture stand alone. Some poets may like to express themselves with prose or rhymey lines. You do not need any special photography skills, only to be motivated by your heart. (Everyone's will look different and that'll be the charm of it!) Link back to my blog (you can grab the button down the side if you like) or click "follow" so we stay connected.  Until I figure out how to have you place your own link to your site from mine, post a comment down below with a link to your blog, Facebook, Flickr or wherever you're planning on posting your love strand. Then spread the word.

Let's have some fun. :)