When Our Intentions Don't Match up with our Reality. (Part 1)

Sometimes, our plans don't work out as we intended. 
Like today, I'm sitting here icing my ankle instead playing tennis. We DID play, but then my ankle rolled and down I went. 

(And um, no, I'm not Serena Williams, but this offered up a great image for when life doesn't go according to OUR intentions!)

What do we do when faced with a situation when what happens doesn't line up with our intentions???
We have a choice.
We could complain. We could whine. We could think of how much better it would have been.
But that doesn't change the current reality. And, it only makes our hearts more downtrodden.
OR, we could choose to praise Him…for the fact that we DID get a good 20 minutes of playing time before I fell. 
That I got the grocery run in before we played. (It'd be much harder to do that limping around the store!)
That I can now sit and finally blog…
So a change in plans, can be a GOOD thing, if we open our minds to accept it.
And that's a little bit like what I've been wanting to blog about.
Back when I was 15 years old, I was an emotional puddle at the foot of the cross. I realized for the first time what it meant that "Jesus died on the cross for MY sins," and I was aching to respond.
But I had a choice.
Why didn't I go running into the arms of Jesus as I longed to?
Fear.
What was I afraid of?
Are you ready?
Being BORED.
I knew a bunch of church-going kind of people that lived boring, flat lives. I saw them my whole life. And I didn't want to join them!
I knew the word COMPLACENT well. And I finally stepped forward in faith with the prayer that I never ever become complacent in my faith. Ever.
I think God must have thought, "Oh silly girl, I will not allow you to slow down long enough to grow complacent. Come on this journey with me!"
Thankfully, and only by His Spirit, did I say yes to Jesus and began my walk of faith.
That's been a LOT of years ago now.
And He has been faithful. I have not grown complacent. I am too busy walking with Him in these amazing adventures to be complacent.
In my husband's terminology, we gave God a blank check for our lives. We have offered ourselves up to Him time and time again. Always wanting to say YES to Jesus when He asks something of us.
And that's scary. Why? Because often Jesus asks us to do things that are waaaay out beyond ourselves. And then, He allows things that we thought we had all sewn up nice and tidy to fall apart.
I think the "WHY??" here (in case you are asking) is so that we will depend on HIM and not on ourselves.)
There are many things God has chosen to do in our lives were NOT our intentions…at least not many of them! 
We did NOT intend to lose babies to miscarriage.
We certainly did NOT intend to have Oskar die at 39 weeks…so close to birth. Ugh. This still sends me reeling.
We did not choose our current location, nor did we even choose to adopt a large portion of our family. 
God did these things. Or depending on how we look at evil in the world, God ALLOWED these things to happen.
But our attitude in response to them makes all the difference. After our first child died, at 5 months gestation, I spoke on the phone with a fellow mom of twins who had the same exact situation. 
She was the MOST bitter person I'd ever encountered.
And she scared me silly. 
As angry as I was that I lost one of my twin babies, a dream I'd had for my whole life, I did not want to become bitter like her.
And so, my response to this "change of plans" was to allow Him to grow me.
It was ugly. It was hard work. And it didn't come to full completion until I lost another baby. 
(really? yes. gah!)
Sometimes, the ways of God look so messed up to us! But He has a gentle, loving plan and if we allow Him, He works it out in our hearts beautifully.
I never foresaw becoming a mother to many nations. I never foresaw living in a small American town. I never foresaw having special needs children. 
But now, I cannot imagine who I would be if these things were not true of me.
Proverbs 14:12 says, "There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end if leads to death."
I am so glad that God gets to decide what happens in my life, and not me. (She says with a throbbing ankle and drippy, melting ice soaking her sock.)
It comes down to a choice of acting in faith. 
Will I look at this from MY HUMAN perspective or will I permit myself the joy to allow God's HOLY perspective to win?
If I choose my perspective I will: *shrink back in fear *grumble and complain *give excuses *live a sad version of my life
If I choose God's perspective I will: *KNOW that He has a plan that it incomprehensible to my limited mind *TRUST that He is good, in spite of what circumstances might "prove" *ACT based on His promises        ~that He is GOOD        ~that He is LOVING        ~that He is with me        ~that He has gone before me and is already working *live a life fully dependent upon God's strength, because there's no other way to survive once we obey the radical things He calls us to do (THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF LIVING A COMPLACENT LIFE!!)
This is a "Part 1" blog post. There is something NEW on the horizon for me, for us, and God has blown us away with it all. 
It was not our intention. 
It was not our design.
But it IS His, and soon, I'll tell you!
Stay tuned!

Our Christmas Miracle!

We have some news!!

Friday we found out we have...

Jensi, Anneli and Oliver spell out "LOA" for "Letter of Acceptance"

This is our next GIANT step toward bringing Toby home! We anticipated the LOA to come anywhere from late February to early March!

SHOCKING!! To say the least!

The Letter of Acceptance is the official approval from the CCCWA (Chinese adoption authority) that we are specifically able to adopt Toby from China.

The letter is a very fancy, official looking paper that we sign and courier back to China.

We got so excited that we nearly forgot to check, "We accept the adoptee mentioned above," and what a mistake that would have been!

We at one time believed we would travel to adopt him in June...


...but now with this CHRISTMAS MIRACLE...

...we are anticipating traveling in MARCH!!!!!

Wha??? 

Hold everything.

While this is INDEED amazing news for our family...I hesitated to share.

Why?

Because I have been on the other side.

I've been the one waiting.

The one watching others get what they pray for.

Been the one in tears while others are dancing.

I held our news in (and I was about to burst!) because of the fellow adoptive mothers I know who ACHE to hear some good news.

To know a month when they might travel to meet or finally adopt the beloved children God has grown in their hearts.

To finally get a picture, a name and a story of the child they've been praying for.

To hear that they've finally been chosen by a birth mother.

I've held off for those whose hearts might be crushed by our advancing adoption.

Dear one, if this is you, I've been praying for you. I've been praying you would be filled with the grace that comes when we are forced to wait far, far beyond what we ever dreamed we would be forced to. The ability to hold on to hope. To hang on to faith when Jesus doesn't do what we expect Him to do.

Yes, I've prayed that you might find the ability to rejoice as you wait.

And in that spirit, I pray that you will keep your eyes on Jesus Himself. He has the perfect plan for each family. For us, it has included losing three babies. And now, it includes a second adoption that runs jumps and skips ahead of planned timelines and man's forethought.

We don't write our scripts, He does. Although we have choices that impact our lives the ultimate control is in the hands of our God.

"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." 

Proverbs 16:9

And so, we forge ahead!

We work on a final approval from immigration...the one that is called "Permission to classify an orphan as an immediate relative," the form title that threw my heart into shock last time!

And then we work on visas and plane tickets and a few other approvals!

Please pray for us as we adjust to this big TIME JUMP! I feel like I found out I'm in my 3rd trimester rather than my 2nd! AH!

Please pray for our fundraising. We still need to raise $17,000 between now and go time. That's huge. That's gonna be another miracle.

And so because of the God who writes our stories and is in the business of redeeming hearts and lives...

Merry Christmas!!

Whatever your NOW is...that's God's answer!

There are so many times I want to blog, but don't have much to say...or I'm bubbling with excitement, or crushed, torn in disappointment. Today, I just thought I'd take a snapshot of life at this moment:

"All done!" "All done!" "ALL DONE!!" DQ screams at me from the kitchen. Time to put her down for a nap with Fluffernutter, the elephant. "Book!" "Book!" She demands before sleeping.

"Can I play Angry Birds on your phone for a while, Mommy?" sweet Anneli asks. Yes. Of course.

"Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!!!" Oliver drives yet another tractor through the house, completely consumed in his own world.

Missing Jensi today. She's on a little overnight with the grandparents Thomas. A great thing for them and her. Precious times.

I sit and read and cry about the families who have lost EVERYTHING in Joplin and another family who didn't just lose her possessions but her children--ripped from her arms--in Oklahoma City from deadly tornadoes. I wonder why we have not had our turn in such devastation.

I upload an order of baby announcements and kill a spider crawling across my desk.

I move the laundry, clean the kitchen, peer at the fish.

I listen to the excited chatter of A and O who tell me about the baby birds who flew from much-watched the nest today! (Oh, Lord keep the day far from me when THEY fly and make my nest empty!)

Get a phone call from our Congressman's office who has been checking on the status of our USCIS application. Good news: they will have it approved a month before what they had told me!

Love messages come in on my phone from Brian at work.

I scan and email our Ugandan lawyer yet another piece of paperwork.

I finally get a shower, due to a late day workout after snuggling with the 3 kids in bed for "too long" (there is no such thing you know!) I didn't get my workout in early as I like to. But it was a good trade!! :)

I check in on my Beachbody coaching business. 7 new coaches added! Awesome! I love this team!

Got an email from a yet another broken hearted mom suffering after the stillbirth of her two sons. Oh God, give me the comfort You've given me to pass on to her. Give me your words!

Fold some laundry.

I listen to a little more of The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom as I fix my face and hair for the day and pray for the people God has laid on my heart.

I think about where I was 2 years ago right now: in a hospital, awaiting the birth of our final child. I was SURE it was going to be little Halsten, our boy. After all that movement just like Oliver and Oskar, SURELY he was on his way!! The child even went breech during labor!! But I was due for a great surprise tomorrow morning...

And I wonder about a prayer that I have so faithfully prayed for years on end now: "Lord, use us overseas." Yet we are here. Ohio. Buckeyes, Mennonite people, endless soybean fields. I love Ohio, my family is here. Don't get me wrong, but I am called to a far away land. But He has me here.

My mother in law told me one time, "whatever your NOW is...that's God's answer to your prayer from before." I didn't particularly like hearing this, but I can see she was right. I may have an idea for my life, but God knows me better, knows the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and knows what I need to be ready to do it.

I may not be living in a remote village, speaking a foreign tongue or spending my days with the precious people of a different culture, but I do have purpose here. And interestingly, it's the same purpose: live my life unto God, share what I am given with others and love deeply. There is great joy in that, no matter where I am!


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If you want to read about and pray for the family mentioned above, go here to their Facebook prayer page or watch this video in tribute to their sons who were ripped from their mama's arms and died in the tornado just 3 days ago. I wonder if YOU wonder, why NOT me? Are you ready to have it all be over? Have you made peace with God? I would love to talk with you about this if you like...or you can go here to learn more about what Jesus did on your behalf.

God has no Plan B

Oh dear friends, what a truth this is!! We so often say that we'll just move to "Plan B," which is totally fine when you are human--but something altogether different when you consider our mighty God! In a wonderful post my friend, Chasity, has highlighted this beautiful truth. I would love it if you'd go over here and read it. Then we can all be on the same page!

Aren't those Scriptural examples wonderful? I have often contemplated the timing of the birth of Jesus. From Mary's perspective, things were not pretty. She was a full 9 months pregnant and was NOT comfortable. (I promise.) Then the news, "A census. Go to your home towns so we can count you." What in the world?!?! You HAVE to be kidding. Travel?! NOW!?!?!? But they did. And she was NOT comfortable. (I promise.) But she went. They and many, many other people flooded into the small town, something it was not prepared to handle. And then, the last thing she expected: all the inns were full. I wonder, did she panic?

What!?! You can't be serious, Jo! There's no room for us? But...but...I'm going to have this baby....I've been breathing through these gripping contractions all day. (Oh that donkey's spine did NOT help!) There has to be a mistake! Ask them again!! ....What?! We can stay in their stable???? Didn't God say that this was His Son? What has gone wrong? Surely God's Son would not be born on the fly, under such pressures and in a barn! Could He???

But yes. YES. YES!! This crazy, stress-filled moment is EXACTLY how God planned the presentation of His beloved Son into the world. It was not only NOT Plan B...it was not Plan A either. It was simply "the Plan" because it was God's and it came to pass.

Now for people like us, who are experiencing some tremendous ups and downs in our adoption, or for you in your personal situation, this is really good news.

The sweet little boy I fell in love with back in March? We committed to adopt him. Little did we know another family was given his file. Poof! Gone from our lives.

The set of twins we prayed so hard for, believing and committing to adopt? They also vanished from our lives after a family member emerged. Another broken heart and dashed hopes.

Up and down goes the roller coaster of adoption. Each story is unique, and there are many stories I am leaving out here for the sake of privacy. But it is absolutely so comforting to think that we are walking along the path we are because it's part of THE PLAN. Not plan b. This is not happening because the first try, second try, third try, fourth try and fifth tries did not work out. Nope, this is all part of finding our children and bringing them into our family.

source

I ask you to please pray for us. Pray that we would take joy in this journey. (Most journeys you expect to move...this is a rather still slow moving journey!) Not too unlike a very pregnant Mary teetering on the spine of a donkey, this journey is laborious and wrought with emotion. However unlike pregnancy, there is no known ending date. We need patience, long-suffering and to remember to enjoy the journey. No matter how hard that donkey spine may feel.