When Our Intentions Don't Match up with our Reality. (Part 1)

Sometimes, our plans don't work out as we intended. 
Like today, I'm sitting here icing my ankle instead playing tennis. We DID play, but then my ankle rolled and down I went. 

(And um, no, I'm not Serena Williams, but this offered up a great image for when life doesn't go according to OUR intentions!)

What do we do when faced with a situation when what happens doesn't line up with our intentions???
We have a choice.
We could complain. We could whine. We could think of how much better it would have been.
But that doesn't change the current reality. And, it only makes our hearts more downtrodden.
OR, we could choose to praise Him…for the fact that we DID get a good 20 minutes of playing time before I fell. 
That I got the grocery run in before we played. (It'd be much harder to do that limping around the store!)
That I can now sit and finally blog…
So a change in plans, can be a GOOD thing, if we open our minds to accept it.
And that's a little bit like what I've been wanting to blog about.
Back when I was 15 years old, I was an emotional puddle at the foot of the cross. I realized for the first time what it meant that "Jesus died on the cross for MY sins," and I was aching to respond.
But I had a choice.
Why didn't I go running into the arms of Jesus as I longed to?
Fear.
What was I afraid of?
Are you ready?
Being BORED.
I knew a bunch of church-going kind of people that lived boring, flat lives. I saw them my whole life. And I didn't want to join them!
I knew the word COMPLACENT well. And I finally stepped forward in faith with the prayer that I never ever become complacent in my faith. Ever.
I think God must have thought, "Oh silly girl, I will not allow you to slow down long enough to grow complacent. Come on this journey with me!"
Thankfully, and only by His Spirit, did I say yes to Jesus and began my walk of faith.
That's been a LOT of years ago now.
And He has been faithful. I have not grown complacent. I am too busy walking with Him in these amazing adventures to be complacent.
In my husband's terminology, we gave God a blank check for our lives. We have offered ourselves up to Him time and time again. Always wanting to say YES to Jesus when He asks something of us.
And that's scary. Why? Because often Jesus asks us to do things that are waaaay out beyond ourselves. And then, He allows things that we thought we had all sewn up nice and tidy to fall apart.
I think the "WHY??" here (in case you are asking) is so that we will depend on HIM and not on ourselves.)
There are many things God has chosen to do in our lives were NOT our intentions…at least not many of them! 
We did NOT intend to lose babies to miscarriage.
We certainly did NOT intend to have Oskar die at 39 weeks…so close to birth. Ugh. This still sends me reeling.
We did not choose our current location, nor did we even choose to adopt a large portion of our family. 
God did these things. Or depending on how we look at evil in the world, God ALLOWED these things to happen.
But our attitude in response to them makes all the difference. After our first child died, at 5 months gestation, I spoke on the phone with a fellow mom of twins who had the same exact situation. 
She was the MOST bitter person I'd ever encountered.
And she scared me silly. 
As angry as I was that I lost one of my twin babies, a dream I'd had for my whole life, I did not want to become bitter like her.
And so, my response to this "change of plans" was to allow Him to grow me.
It was ugly. It was hard work. And it didn't come to full completion until I lost another baby. 
(really? yes. gah!)
Sometimes, the ways of God look so messed up to us! But He has a gentle, loving plan and if we allow Him, He works it out in our hearts beautifully.
I never foresaw becoming a mother to many nations. I never foresaw living in a small American town. I never foresaw having special needs children. 
But now, I cannot imagine who I would be if these things were not true of me.
Proverbs 14:12 says, "There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end if leads to death."
I am so glad that God gets to decide what happens in my life, and not me. (She says with a throbbing ankle and drippy, melting ice soaking her sock.)
It comes down to a choice of acting in faith. 
Will I look at this from MY HUMAN perspective or will I permit myself the joy to allow God's HOLY perspective to win?
If I choose my perspective I will: *shrink back in fear *grumble and complain *give excuses *live a sad version of my life
If I choose God's perspective I will: *KNOW that He has a plan that it incomprehensible to my limited mind *TRUST that He is good, in spite of what circumstances might "prove" *ACT based on His promises        ~that He is GOOD        ~that He is LOVING        ~that He is with me        ~that He has gone before me and is already working *live a life fully dependent upon God's strength, because there's no other way to survive once we obey the radical things He calls us to do (THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF LIVING A COMPLACENT LIFE!!)
This is a "Part 1" blog post. There is something NEW on the horizon for me, for us, and God has blown us away with it all. 
It was not our intention. 
It was not our design.
But it IS His, and soon, I'll tell you!
Stay tuned!

Lord, I want to SEE!

Luke 18:35-43... A dirty cast-off man cries out to Jesus and others try to crowd him out, to shush him up. No way. This guy's serious--he is blind and has been forced to live his life as a beggar. He has heard about this Jesus guy, and he's heard that He heals! So he shouts all the louder and makes himself a bigger nuisance to the crowd. But not to Jesus. Jesus has this way with people. The very ones we ourselves are annoyed with. The ones we sorta just wish would leave us alone, the very ones we ourselves would be tempted to just walk on by.  But here's what Jesus does--he stops and he has the beggar brought to him. Wow. Then he asks him a simple question, "What do you want me to do for you?" The blind beggar's response always causes me to stop and ponder.

"Lord," he said, "I want to see!"

Two things have come to my mind as I've pondered this passage lately. I wonder if you might think on them with me.

The first: this blind man, though a beggar and clearly disliked by the population, did not assume that his blindness was a permanent condition. (But we certainly know that it is, don't we? haha) I LOVE that he didn't accept his blindness when he saw the chance to ditch it. Would I? If I were blind in the year 2011, I am quite sure I would have found ways to make peace with it. I would not be bitter, but I would have learned to master Braille (as completely impossible as it seems to my fingers!) and I would have probably joined a blind mother's support group. I would have learned to do life as a blind woman. Would I be constantly pounding on the door of heaven to be healed? No. I'm pretty sure I would not. I would accept my lot in life and figure, "This is how it is. I'll just have to make the best of it." But here is a man who seeks after Jesus to have his reality CHANGED. Matthew 7:7 tells us to keep on asking what we're asking for. Don't give up! Even in this same chapter of Luke Jesus shares the story of the persistent widow. Why? To emphasize the importance of persistence in prayer! Justice will be given to His chosen ones who plead with Him day and night. Now I am sure that I can rile up people by what I've said just now--because we should make the most of our current situation and we should avoid bitterness...but how do we fit that with this man's refusal to accept his blindness as forever?

The second thing I have pondered is the fact that the blind man clearly identified what he wanted. "Lord, I want to SEE." He didn't hem haw around. He was serious and straight to the point. I have echoed this man's prayer often in my life. But I'm not blind, right? Hmmm. I daresay I am though. I have eyes that show me my physical surroundings, but so often are blind to the spiritual realities that co-exist. I love the Old Testament story of the battle where God reveals all the heavenly fighters up on the hillside! If only we could SEE!!

So often I only look at my circumstances and ignore that there might be another perspective on them. My selfish perspective causes me to give way to my fears, doubts and worries. When I hear the Lord ask me, "Amy, what is it you want me to do for you?" I am careful to imitate this beggar's prayer: "Lord, I want to see." Rather than, "Well, God, could you please fix this problem for me...."  I ask to see. Gaining God's perspective on my life is often what I need far more than the actual thing fixed. Why? Because the next time something comes up (it will you know!) I want to still have my heavenly perspective in place to deal with it all. If I merely ask for a problem to be fixed, then I am no further ahead in my character.

Let's choose to SEE. Ask Him. The view might be overwhelming, but we'll for sure join the blind beggar: "Instantly the man could see and he followed Jesus praising God. And all who saw it praised God, too." Luke 18:43